“You are what you love, not what loves you.”

The other day I read these words, and I felt moved. I don’t think I’ve ever considered this. Not quite in this way.

How many times have we fallen into the trap that he, she, or they love me so I need to … or I have to …?

Whether it be to treat them a certain way, stay connected, or give up your own desires, it can lead to great unhappiness.

Sometimes there’s a trap in the words “I love you”. When someone uses them to manipulate you, it isn’t pleasant.

It’s the “I love you” so you must be a certain way with me, tolerate certain things from me, overlook your wants and needs. This is when the words “I love you” cause trouble.

When expressed without thoughts of return, it’s magic.

We need to be aware of this dynamic.

Ask yourself how influenced you are by these words. Do you give up some of yourself to maintain relationships, even if they bring you unhappiness?

And look into what or who you love a little deeper with an awareness of these dynamics.

Let’s help our children to explore their interests. Give them some time and opportunity to investigate what excites them. Allow them to consider how to please themselves and shift the focus from pleasing others.

Children who consider and love themselves can enjoy healthier relationships now and in their future.